About the Book

Have you ever wondered if your houseplants are silently judging you?

Maybe you think you and your leafy companions are happily cohabitating. Maybe you bought them on a whim and forgot to water them for a week. Or maybe… things are a little more twisted.

Houseplants and Their Fucked-Up Thoughts is a laugh-out-loud, illustrated gift book that imagines what your favorite ferns, succulents, and tropicals are really thinking—and it’s not pretty. Maybe your fiddle-leaf fig finds you pathetic. Your majesty palm is deeply disdainful. And is it possible your philodendron has been eyeing your man?

Packed with witty one-liners and hilariously relatable plant humor, this funny houseplant book is perfect for anyone who talks to their plants—and suspects they’re talking back. With sharp captions and vibrant plant portraits, it’s the ultimate present for the plant parent, plant killer, or green-thumbed goddess in your life.

Just because your plants can’t speak doesn’t mean they don’t have a lot to say. Open this book… if you dare.

Awards and Press

Kris Reguera

Book Blogger for FroggyReachTeach

A hilariously sarcastic book.

Jeryl Marcus

Says Me Says Mom Blog

Even if you don't care about plants at all, this book is a fun read.

Meet the Author

Renowned botanist, soil balance and moisture expert, plant psychological enthusiast, and five-time recipient of Plant Weekly's "Most Emotionally Balanced Garden" award, Carlyle Christoff is considered by many in the Botano-psychological community to be “the voice” on plant thoughts and behaviors. After attending a prestigious Ivy League school, Christoff spent several years in rainforest plant communication intensives in Southeast Asia as well as Central and South American where he learned the secret language of humanity’s green co-inhabitants of Planet Earth.

Meet the Author

A lifetime lover of books, Elisabeth Saake has devoted most of her working life to publishing. She began her career as an editorial assistant at a New York literary agency before realizing the Big Apple was just a bit too big for her small-town heart. She’s been lucky to remain in various roles within book publishing while moving to progressively smaller towns ever since. Elisabeth is a creek lover, a podcast devotee, and has many, many, f*cked-up thoughts. She lives in Chico, CA, with her husband, two sons, and loads of disgruntled houseplants.